#1 - Suicide (Part2)
All alone at home. This makes it even MORE perfect. Mum's out with her friends for some dinner party. Dad.. PRobably he's out with his slutty but sexy secretary or other mistress that he may have.
I was at a party earlier tonight and I figured it was time to go when one of the guys caught me playing with the pen knife. He was too wasted by all the booze to realize I had it biting into my flesh. He just made some comment about girls that play with knives. And I made some joke about girls that dance with death.
Well, here I am in my black g-string sitting on the toilet seat. I'm on the average side, a size 8, black eyes, plain brown hair, nothing outstanding, although I am somewhat voluptous, any way that's not the point. The point is I'm sitting on a toilet seat with a pen knife in one hand and starring at my left arm. I'm going to cut my wrist, all the way up my elbow vertically. That should do the trick.
But wait I want to get some practice cuts in first. You know... so as to make it perfect?? I cut the side of my arm three times horizontally, the second cut was the deepest. For about a minute I was mesmerized by my own blood falling into the sink, nothing else existed at that moment. I watched it drip, its like I'm releasing my inner pain. I was in a trance I didn't even feel any pain, it was like I was floating away from my body, like my soul's leaving.
Drip...Drip...Drip...Drip...
Strangely symbolic my dance with death. I had a little to drink at the party and my adrenaline was pumping from cutting myself and the knowledge that this was my last night, it all made my head spin (a little too much). I was getting a little dizzy, I don't know if I was going to pass out before I got the job done.
Then the next thing I feel in my back, man I'm really out of it. Then I hear my name being screamed over and over in a piercing yell. "Ling! Ling! Ling!" over and over, then punctuated with "Open this god damn f***ing door!"
I was at a party earlier tonight and I figured it was time to go when one of the guys caught me playing with the pen knife. He was too wasted by all the booze to realize I had it biting into my flesh. He just made some comment about girls that play with knives. And I made some joke about girls that dance with death.
Well, here I am in my black g-string sitting on the toilet seat. I'm on the average side, a size 8, black eyes, plain brown hair, nothing outstanding, although I am somewhat voluptous, any way that's not the point. The point is I'm sitting on a toilet seat with a pen knife in one hand and starring at my left arm. I'm going to cut my wrist, all the way up my elbow vertically. That should do the trick.
But wait I want to get some practice cuts in first. You know... so as to make it perfect?? I cut the side of my arm three times horizontally, the second cut was the deepest. For about a minute I was mesmerized by my own blood falling into the sink, nothing else existed at that moment. I watched it drip, its like I'm releasing my inner pain. I was in a trance I didn't even feel any pain, it was like I was floating away from my body, like my soul's leaving.
Drip...Drip...Drip...Drip...
Strangely symbolic my dance with death. I had a little to drink at the party and my adrenaline was pumping from cutting myself and the knowledge that this was my last night, it all made my head spin (a little too much). I was getting a little dizzy, I don't know if I was going to pass out before I got the job done.
Then the next thing I feel in my back, man I'm really out of it. Then I hear my name being screamed over and over in a piercing yell. "Ling! Ling! Ling!" over and over, then punctuated with "Open this god damn f***ing door!"
posted by Feliza at 10/20/2005 03:09:00 PM
4 Comments:
didn't know u had such a painful experience before...
btw, ur new pictures are look quite artistic, very promising.
thanks alot! ^_^
Hmm.. didn't know u are person can think of this kind of story. Being a story or a real thing. Death is not away to slove all things. It may be painful in life. let who ever u trust you love know about your pain. share it with then. if you can't find anyone, write me an email februaryhawk@februaryhawk.com. life is a gift, life is a love. be it real or a story. there always someone out there to love.....
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